I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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