I smell stomach acid.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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