i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
