I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
