do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
