will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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