I wish life had little blips of pornography
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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