I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i wish my penis had a tongue
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
