I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
