You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
