There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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