How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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