there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
