So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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