i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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