Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
