we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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