She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
