Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
