I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
