I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
