just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
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