I didn't shave. On purpose
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
