I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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