Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
