All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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