Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
found the other keg... it's in the tree
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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