Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
