what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
My feet surprised me
Randomize
