We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
