you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
