He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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