i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
People with herpes should wear stickers.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
