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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  "Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Haha how much did you smoke

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  4 feet of smokeee!

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view

  (1-405): View more from Oklahoma

  that's Oklahoma for you

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.

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• (530): View more from California

  The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.

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• (817): View more from Texas

  I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  You working tonight?

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess

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• (909): View more from California

  It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.

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• (636): View more from Missouri

  it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.

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• (218): View more from Minnesota

  found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.

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• (604): View more from British Columbia

  I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.

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• (619): View more from California

  This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??

  (804): View more from Virginia

  damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos

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• (805): View more from California

  I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.

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