Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
