Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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