Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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