She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
