So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
