I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
