So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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