Your dad touched me again.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
