As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
