mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
