she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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