yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
