Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
