nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
