They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
