3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
her vagine was all disorganized.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
