Kareoke will never be a sober sport
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
